Sunday, January 17, 2010

Let it go!

So here I am thinking about all the things in my life and it dawned on me, what ever God wants me to have he will give to me, he will lead me to it, and he will let me feel it is right. So if it is meant to be- ANYTHING in life- it will be, maybe not when you want it, but when the time is right. So for all the things that I am not intended to have, do, or feel this is what I say:

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......


If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......


If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....


If someone has angered you ........


If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......


If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......


If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......


If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......


If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........


If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......


Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing!!


Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then .


I have an insane ability to walk away and never look back; to realize the end of something whether it is a job, a relationship, a game, a friendship, anything and keep moving forward. However, there are those few moments that I lose sight of my ability and I get stuck in the past. Then I remember LET IT GO... what ever is to be will be, if it isn't then it was just a stepping stone.

Until next time,


Saturday, January 16, 2010

The time has come

(this blog has nothing to do with the previous blog)
Our lives are filled with many chapters. Some we try to tear out of our book and burn them just to find that they are fire proof so we put them back in our book and just hope to never have to read them again. Other chapters we like to reread over and over again. They fill us with love, hope, joy, and fullfillment. Sometimes we forget that each chapter has an impact on the next chapter.

So right now I am in the process of closing what seems to have been the most influential, yet terrible chapter that I have had thus far. My divorce is quickly approaching its finalization date. This day has been a day I have longed for for so long. It will be a new beginning for me. It started 7 months ago when I signed my name to the papers to close that part of my life. It was then that I truly realized "who I was". For so long I was forced to be someone that I didn't want to be, and the more I tried to resist at the end, the more I realized that NO ONE can really keep you from being who you are on the inside. It was time for ME to have the chance to come out and shine. And so I did. I found out that I am a strong, caring, loving, confident, and motivated woman. I have more potential in life than I had ever even realized. I can do anything I put my mind to. With God's strength and guidance he will help see me through life. God is never wrong, even if we challenge why he led us to certain situations, we must believe that is was because it was something we needed to do to fullfill his plan for us. We "hopefully" learn from our past situations and take the positive with us into the next part of our lives. So from my relationship and marriage I have learned that I can do anything I put my mind to, I can have (most) anything I work hard for, and that I can be whatever I want to be.

"Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose- not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember." Anne Sullivan

So what do I hope to accomplish in my future? I want to finish college and be able to use my education to help people. My past has influenced what I want to do with my future. If I can even help one person get through their addiction and stay clean then I know that all this wasn't for nothing. Because when you help one person it just keeps on going. They will then be able to help someone, who will help someone else, etc.

Besides using my education to help other people it has also helped me. I feel like a better person. I feel a sense of accomplishment. With everything I have endured in my life and all the times I heard from so many people that I will not amount to anything in life, I can now stand tall and say "you were wrong, I can do it, I did do it, and I did it all by myself. I am somebody, I am the person I was always meant to be." So if anyone was to take anything from this, let it be this... NO matter what you have been dealt in life, no matter how terrible things are, no matter how much you may feel like you just can't do it, believe in yourself that you have the ability to overcome all obstacles and succeed in life.

My children are my priority in life. My goal is to teach them the things I have learned, help guide them through life, and always encourage them to be the best they can be. Our children are our future. Make the future better by helping our children be successful in life in every way.

Independence!! I have finally come to the point in my life where I will finally be able to be independent. I have always had a sense of it, but was never truly able to be completely independent. I was pregnant and married at 17 years old, I have lived with my parents, spouses, siblings, and roommates. It is time now for me to finally spread my wings and be on my own completely. So within the next month I will leave the home where I have transitioned from leaving a nightmare marriage to becoming a free woman who has a world of opportunities in her hand. I will finally have complete independence from everyone. I intend to never let that go again for fear I may not get it back.

And as for relationships, at this point all I can do is leave it in God's hands. He knows what my destiny is. I just have to have hope that when the time comes I will know. Maybe it is in my future, maybe it is right in front of me, and maybe it was in my past and I missed it. However, I am confident that I will feel it in my heart and soul when he is the right one, the one I have always been intended for, the one that God made just for me.
"May the love found deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find waiting in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays."- unknown

So this is where I am now and where I will be tomorrow, I am not sure. However I do know that I have the courage to face it and make the best of it!

Until next time,

Friday, January 15, 2010

Lets start here

So here I am, the start of this blog. This time of my life seems to be so complicated, yet somehow it seems so clear. All of my life I have been so guarded against everything. It seemed like that was the best way to keep from getting hurt or being disappointed. Every now and again I let my guard down only to be proven right. What is worse is when you let your guard down and think "this is it, this is the time I will be proven wrong. I can open myself up and be all of me and give me to someone else who truly deserves everything that I can offer." and then out of no where your whole world is turned upside down. No warning, no expectation, nothing but confident, wonderful, great feelings. When you feel like God has finally put purpose in your life and when you least expect it He leads you to someone who you truly feel in the deepest part of your heart you were meant to be a part of and then out of no where BAM!! It all changes. So here I am left with the same feelings about him and still feel like I was given to him for a reason and yet he is no longer mine! I feel like it is an impossibility to ever feel the same way about another man; that I never want to let another man get close to me because if this could happen when things were just about perfect, what would happen when they aren't; and at this point I am so devasted that the thought isn't even a thought!!
How do you take it? What do you do with that? What do I do now? I still have hope that it will all work itself out, but I wonder is hope enough? It seems the only thing I can do now is just be me, be there for him the best way I know how, offer support, give inspiration and hope, let him know how much I care, and be everything to him that I would hope someone would be to me!! In such a trying time for him, I hope that I at least offer him some sort of strength through my words, prayers, and caring nature. That he will realize there are good people in this world who see him for every wonderful thing he is. That when you care enough you are willing to risk it all for your happiness and his!
What I have learned from this is this:
  • It is possible to find someone who is EVERYTHING you could have ever hoped for.
  • That God will tell you where you need to be, He just doesn't always inform you ahead of time what your purpose is. (still trying to figure that one out)
  • That no matter how confident you are in your situation, it can always change direction and go where you never expected.
  • That it is possible to really feel like your heart has been broken into a million pieces and feel like it will never heal.
  • You can build a bigger, taller, thicker wall to protect yourself.
  • And that no matter how much it hurts and you feel like you will NEVER recover, you have to believe that "Hope, Faith, and Love can get you through anything"

So with all that said, what will I do now? First, I am still holding on to hope that I will have back what was once mine for that short period of time. Second, be everything I can be to help him through this. What ever he needs, what ever it takes I am confident I can deliver. And third, finally know that it is possible to find someone who can make you happy and comfortable, not judge you, not betray you and completes you... the perfect man does exist. And even if I only had him for a minute, that is a minute longer than I had before he came into my life.

For him-

"This was unexpected, my soul's connection to you. You stole my loneliness. No one knows that I was wishing for you. A theif to enter my house of autonomy, that I had locked my doors but my windows were open, hoping, but not believing, you would enter." - Douglas Coupland

For me-

"God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need. To hurt you, to love you, to teach you, to break you, to turn you into the person you're suppose to be." - unknown

In conclusion, always be prepared for the unexpected; have hope that things will turn out how they are suppose to be; and always know you have the strength to pick yourself up and survive anything, and last but certainly not least, find the positive in all situations (there is always a lesson to be learned).

Until next time,