Lets start here

So here I am, the start of this blog. This time of my life seems to be so complicated, yet somehow it seems so clear. All of my life I have been so guarded against everything. It seemed like that was the best way to keep from getting hurt or being disappointed. Every now and again I let my guard down only to be proven right. What is worse is when you let your guard down and think "this is it, this is the time I will be proven wrong. I can open myself up and be all of me and give me to someone else who truly deserves everything that I can offer." and then out of no where your whole world is turned upside down. No warning, no expectation, nothing but confident, wonderful, great feelings. When you feel like God has finally put purpose in your life and when you least expect it He leads you to someone who you truly feel in the deepest part of your heart you were meant to be a part of and then out of no where BAM!! It all changes. So here I am left with the same feelings about him and still feel like I was given to him for a reason and yet he is no longer mine! I feel like it is an impossibility to ever feel the same way about another man; that I never want to let another man get close to me because if this could happen when things were just about perfect, what would happen when they aren't; and at this point I am so devasted that the thought isn't even a thought!!
How do you take it? What do you do with that? What do I do now? I still have hope that it will all work itself out, but I wonder is hope enough? It seems the only thing I can do now is just be me, be there for him the best way I know how, offer support, give inspiration and hope, let him know how much I care, and be everything to him that I would hope someone would be to me!! In such a trying time for him, I hope that I at least offer him some sort of strength through my words, prayers, and caring nature. That he will realize there are good people in this world who see him for every wonderful thing he is. That when you care enough you are willing to risk it all for your happiness and his!
What I have learned from this is this:

• It is possible to find someone who is EVERYTHING you could have ever hoped for.
• That God will tell you where you need to be, He just doesn't always inform you ahead of time what your purpose is. (still trying to figure that one out)
• That no matter how confident you are in your situation, it can always change direction and go where you never expected.
• That it is possible to really feel like your heart has been broken into a million pieces and feel like it will never heal.
• You can build a bigger, taller, thicker wall to protect yourself.
• And that no matter how much it hurts and you feel like you will NEVER recover, you have to believe that "Hope, Faith, and Love can get you through anything"

So with all that said, what will I do now? First, I am still holding on to hope that I will have back what was once mine for that short period of time. Second, be everything I can be to help him through this. What ever he needs, what ever it takes I am confident I can deliver. And third, finally know that it is possible to find someone who can make you happy and comfortable, not judge you, not betray you and completes you... the perfect man does exist. And even if I only had him for a minute, that is a minute longer than I had before he came into my life.

For him-

"This was unexpected, my soul's connection to you. You stole my loneliness. No one knows that I was wishing for you. A theif to enter my house of autonomy, that I had locked my doors but my windows were open, hoping, but not believing, you would enter." - Douglas Coupland

For me-

"God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need. To hurt you, to love you, to teach you, to break you, to turn you into the person you're suppose to be." - unknown

In conclusion, always be prepared for the unexpected; have hope that things will turn out how they are suppose to be; and always know you have the strength to pick yourself up and survive anything, and last but certainly not least, find the positive in all situations (there is always a lesson to be learned).

Until next time,

Amanda