The time has come

(this blog has nothing to do with the previous blog)
Our lives are filled with many chapters. Some we try to tear out of our book and burn them just to find that they are fire proof so we put them back in our book and just hope to never have to read them again. Other chapters we like to reread over and over again. They fill us with love, hope, joy, and fullfillment. Sometimes we forget that each chapter has an impact on the next chapter.

So right now I am in the process of closing what seems to have been the most influential, yet terrible chapter that I have had thus far. My divorce is quickly approaching its finalization date. This day has been a day I have longed for for so long. It will be a new beginning for me. It started 7 months ago when I signed my name to the papers to close that part of my life. It was then that I truly realized "who I was". For so long I was forced to be someone that I didn't want to be, and the more I tried to resist at the end, the more I realized that NO ONE can really keep you from being who you are on the inside. It was time for ME to have the chance to come out and shine. And so I did. I found out that I am a strong, caring, loving, confident, and motivated woman. I have more potential in life than I had ever even realized. I can do anything I put my mind to. With God's strength and guidance he will help see me through life. God is never wrong, even if we challenge why he led us to certain situations, we must believe that is was because it was something we needed to do to fullfill his plan for us. We "hopefully" learn from our past situations and take the positive with us into the next part of our lives. So from my relationship and marriage I have learned that I can do anything I put my mind to, I can have (most) anything I work hard for, and that I can be whatever I want to be.

"Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose- not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember." Anne Sullivan

So what do I hope to accomplish in my future? I want to finish college and be able to use my education to help people. My past has influenced what I want to do with my future. If I can even help one person get through their addiction and stay clean then I know that all this wasn't for nothing. Because when you help one person it just keeps on going. They will then be able to help someone, who will help someone else, etc.

Besides using my education to help other people it has also helped me. I feel like a better person. I feel a sense of accomplishment. With everything I have endured in my life and all the times I heard from so many people that I will not amount to anything in life, I can now stand tall and say "you were wrong, I can do it, I did do it, and I did it all by myself. I am somebody, I am the person I was always meant to be." So if anyone was to take anything from this, let it be this... NO matter what you have been dealt in life, no matter how terrible things are, no matter how much you may feel like you just can't do it, believe in yourself that you have the ability to overcome all obstacles and succeed in life.

My children are my priority in life. My goal is to teach them the things I have learned, help guide them through life, and always encourage them to be the best they can be. Our children are our future. Make the future better by helping our children be successful in life in every way.

Independence!! I have finally come to the point in my life where I will finally be able to be independent. I have always had a sense of it, but was never truly able to be completely independent. I was pregnant and married at 17 years old, I have lived with my parents, spouses, siblings, and roommates. It is time now for me to finally spread my wings and be on my own completely. So within the next month I will leave the home where I have transitioned from leaving a nightmare marriage to becoming a free woman who has a world of opportunities in her hand. I will finally have complete independence from everyone. I intend to never let that go again for fear I may not get it back.

And as for relationships, at this point all I can do is leave it in God's hands. He knows what my destiny is. I just have to have hope that when the time comes I will know. Maybe it is in my future, maybe it is right in front of me, and maybe it was in my past and I missed it. However, I am confident that I will feel it in my heart and soul when he is the right one, the one I have always been intended for, the one that God made just for me.
"May the love found deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find waiting in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays."- unknown

So this is where I am now and where I will be tomorrow, I am not sure. However I do know that I have the courage to face it and make the best of it!

Until next time,
Amanda